MIGHTY JOE KONG!!! (Part One)

A battle report from last week's game night: The SS Denture has arrived at Big Monkey Island, carrying a film crew bent on making a sensational motion picture about the strange wildlife and natives reputed to live there.

The unfriendly natives take it upon themselves to kidnap Miss Pam Sparrow, leading lady of the production, and carry her off for their own nefarious purposes. It would appear she is to be the new bride of their wicked God, or perhaps his lunch (There seems to be some confusion in the translation). A party from the steamer vow to save her from this fate (whichever it is), while the film crew tag along to document events.

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The SS Denture and her crew. Two players controlled them, each with his own objectives.

The Film Crew. The Camera Man, the Assistant Director and The Director, plus two Tommy-Gun-toting Sailors as security. Their objective is to make a movie. They receive Victory Points for shooting exciting and interesting scenes (more on that in Part Two). If for whatever reason it is impossible for the film to be completed (say the camera and footage is destroyed) then they must try and capture alive one of the fabled giant beasts of the island, to bring back to Civilisation for exhibition. The Assistant Director carries in his pack five gas grenades for this purpose.

The Rescue Party. Consisting of The Sea Captain, The Leading Man, and three Tommy-Gun-toting sailors. Their objective is simple: Rescue Pam!

The third party was the Native Villagers. Their objective is to complete the Marriage Ritual, then escort their Prisoner/Bride/Lunch to the appointed place, where she will be left for her new husband to find her. He will know when to come as the drums will signal him. The natives believe this ritual will placate their god enough to stop him eating them all.

The Native Units: 10 Warriors, 10 Bridesmaids, 6 Archers in scary masks, 2 Gate Keeper Priests, 2 Drummers, 1 Preistess, 1 War Chief and 1 King plus entourage.

They must hold off the rescuers for long enough to complete the ritual dance, and escort Pam to her wedding on the other side of the Big Gate. The ritual dance was simulated by playing the Um Bongo theme on my iPod while the Rescuers took their turn. When we ran out of Um Bongo music then the ritual was complete. No one but the GM (that's to say THE GOD as our gang call him) knew how long it would take for the music to run out.

If you need the Um Bongo music for your own game it can be downloaded here.

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So the game began. Here we see the players during a brief pause in the action. Chronoglide and Sickly are locked in a fierce argument over which of them is the more METAL. Meanwhile WakeyDave quietly chuckles to himself at the pop culture reference hovering over Sickly's head.

The wicked natives began their sensual dance around their bewildered (but slightly aroused) captive.

While the Bridesmaids continued the ritual dance, the warriors rushed to intercept the outsiders, whose boats had been spotted heading towards the village.

The Rescuers made landfall first. A unit of natives, strangely wary of their guns (even though they had never seen any before) took cover behind a hut and waited to rush them.

Which they then proceeded to do! The Tommy-guns chattered without result, and the first sailors to get out of the boat were overwhelmed.

Then a desperate struggle took place in the boat, as it seemed the natives were unstoppable! Actually, they weren't. The heroic Captain and Leading Man eventually cut them down to size, but it did look like it could go either way for a minute. Two sailors had been killed, though. The rescue party now seemed a little too depleted to complete its task.

Meanwhile, the ritual had finally finished (We had run out of Um Bongo music).

So the drummers began signalling to their god.

And the Bridal Procession/Lunch Queue began to make its way to the appointed place. The Great Gates opened...

Pam was taken to the sacred spot and fastened in place (the gun in her hand was just a movie prop, explaining why she hadn't used it to escape).

Back at the beach, the Film Crew had made landfall and were now wading ashore. Here the Tommy-Gun splattered out leaden death on all sides, and so their landing was much easier than that of the rescuers. The native reception committee here was wiped out in a somewhat one-sided cultural exchange.

The Camera Man was rolling the whole time, and so hopefully had some good footage of the action that they could use later.

Then they started taking potshots at the archers on the wall. Outranged, they descended to ground level to engage their foe. One arrow found its mark, snuggling comfortably into the Assistant Director's squishy insides. As he fell he killed his own slayer with a shot from his trusty revolver.

The Bridesmaids, having discharged their duty, made their way back to the gate. Just in time, as all the warriors had been gunned down by now, though the War Chief, the King and a handful of Archers still remained.

The landing parties from the Denture had lost three men. They were still a long way from rescuing Pam, and the Bridesmaids were returning to further block their path.

Furthermore, judging by the noise coming from the far end of the table, something had responded to the drums. What was it? The Groom? Wedding-Crashers? Would Pam be rescued in time or would she be the on the buffet table at the wedding feast? Would the Evil Island God agree to a pre-nupt? Find out next time...

Gettin' Chiggy Widdit!

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These are some sculpts that TMPer Cacique Caribe has done to keep himself busy whilst recuperating from his spell in hospital. They are helmets and shields for the "Chigs." Remember them? They were the baddies in the TV series Space: Above and Beyond.

I gather he plans to use 40K Eldar bodies to complete the figures. Can't wait to see them finished and painted up.

Here's what he says about them:

This is a very first attempt at sculpting something like this, so feel free to give me some pointers. My goal was to capture the general look of the Chig helmet and weapon shield, not to create an exact replica.

From here I have no idea where to go with it. However, it was a fun thing to do while recovering at home.

I've posted them here as Cacique is having a spot of bother getting his Displaced Miniatures account to work.

Get well soon, Dan!

LOST WORLDS

Things have taken a decidedly monstrous turn here at Schloss Plynkes lately, folks, with all kinds of scary beasties roaming about the place. The best of them are presented here, ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment :

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Before the advent of the Depth Charge, the Convoy System and the Q-Ship, the Kaiser's Ubootwaffe had little to fear. Only that traditional foe of the mariner, the SEA MONSTER gave them any cause to worry. (Do you like my sloppy David Hockney water effects?)

Here those dastardly baby-killing Huns have finally got their come-uppance. I'm not sure exactly what is administering said come-uppance. One half of Silent Movie era comedy double-act Scylla and Charybdis, perhaps? (I can never remember which is which) Or possibly the Kraken?

Oh, I don't bloody know. It's so difficult to tell these days. For my money it was the beginning of the sad decline of Jane's Fighting Ships when they stopped including Sea Monsters in their monthly updates.

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Now something I feel I owe our old mate Pete, by way of compensation for a throw-away remark I once made on TMP comparing him to a certain character from that awful sitcom FRIENDS, just because of his consuming passion for dinosaurs and other prehistoric fauna. So here he is, depicted in a more heroic light:

Remember this TV show from the 80s? It was grand, and featured the well known paleontologist and rules-writer in a variety of exciting adventures with unconvincing rubber monsters, or iguanas with bits of plastic taped to their backs.

Remember this episode from Season Three? The one when Mr. T guest-starred? It was one of my favourites, but most aficionados of the series consider it the moment when the show Jumped The Shark. A succession of guest appearances were tried to stop the steady ratings decline. Rock bottom was hit when Mel Tormé and Boy George appeared on the show and sang a duet of "Islands in the Stream" together. It was cancelled soon afterwards.

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Don't shoot! They don't mean any harm!

See? He just wants his tummy tickled!

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I predict this match will end badly.

Told you!

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Do I look bothered?

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Now for a Lost Worlds game you've got to have a tramp steamer. So here, in three easy steps, we transform a German lake gunboat into something more worthy of a voyage of discovery.

Take one Prinzessin Charlotte,

Swap out the flag, replace the guns with packing crates, and the crew of sausage-guzzlers for slightly dodgy-looking Merchant Marine Ne'er-do-wells,

Et Voila! The erstwhile Terror of the Tanganyikasee becomes the S.S. Denture. Ready for a voyage to Big Monkey Island to make a major motion picture.

Some Test shots of the star of the picture, Miss Pam Sparrow, on the way to the Island.

"Don't Worry Pam! It's called Big Monkey Island to distinguish it from its smaller neighbour, Little Monkey Island. Would I lie to you?"

Arrival at Big Monkey Island.

The other side of the scary big wall.

Oh look, some kind of quaint local ceremony. Take some footage, boys.

Um, they seem to have got Pam. Shouldn't we be stopping them?

I don't like the look of those scary guys on the wall...

What on earth are they going to do with her?

Tune in next time, for

MIGHTY JOE KONG!
(Eight-and-a-Halfth Wonder of the World!)

Joe and Pam at their screen-test.
Below: Joe gets acquainted with Al the Allosaurus.
See you next time...

Other Plynkes Lost World fun:
The Land That Time Ignored
Biggles in the Valley of the Terror-Lizards