Sunday, October 29, 2006


A battle report from last week's game night: The SS Denture has arrived at Big Monkey Island, carrying a film crew bent on making a sensational motion picture about the strange wildlife and natives reputed to live there.

The unfriendly natives take it upon themselves to kidnap Miss Pam Sparrow, leading lady of the production, and carry her off for their own nefarious purposes. It would appear she is to be the new bride of their wicked God, or perhaps his lunch (There seems to be some confusion in the translation). A party from the steamer vow to save her from this fate (whichever it is), while the film crew tag along to document events.

(Click on pictures for a larger version)


The SS Denture and her crew. Two players controlled them, each with his own objectives.

The Film Crew. The Camera Man, the Assistant Director and The Director, plus two Tommy-Gun-toting Sailors as security. Their objective is to make a movie. They receive Victory Points for shooting exciting and interesting scenes (more on that in Part Two). If for whatever reason it is impossible for the film to be completed (say the camera and footage is destroyed) then they must try and capture alive one of the fabled giant beasts of the island, to bring back to Civilisation for exhibition. The Assistant Director carries in his pack five gas grenades for this purpose.

The Rescue Party. Consisting of The Sea Captain, The Leading Man, and three Tommy-Gun-toting sailors. Their objective is simple: Rescue Pam!

The third party was the Native Villagers. Their objective is to complete the Marriage Ritual, then escort their Prisoner/Bride/Lunch to the appointed place, where she will be left for her new husband to find her. He will know when to come as the drums will signal him. The natives believe this ritual will placate their god enough to stop him eating them all.

The Native Units: 10 Warriors, 10 Bridesmaids, 6 Archers in scary masks, 2 Gate Keeper Priests, 2 Drummers, 1 Preistess, 1 War Chief and 1 King plus entourage.

They must hold off the rescuers for long enough to complete the ritual dance, and escort Pam to her wedding on the other side of the Big Gate. The ritual dance was simulated by playing the Um Bongo theme on my iPod while the Rescuers took their turn. When we ran out of Um Bongo music then the ritual was complete. No one but the GM (that's to say THE GOD as our gang call him) knew how long it would take for the music to run out.

If you need the Um Bongo music for your own game it can be downloaded here.


So the game began. Here we see the players during a brief pause in the action. Chronoglide and Sickly are locked in a fierce argument over which of them is the more METAL. Meanwhile WakeyDave quietly chuckles to himself at the pop culture reference hovering over Sickly's head.

The wicked natives began their sensual dance around their bewildered (but slightly aroused) captive.

While the Bridesmaids continued the ritual dance, the warriors rushed to intercept the outsiders, whose boats had been spotted heading towards the village.

The Rescuers made landfall first. A unit of natives, strangely wary of their guns (even though they had never seen any before) took cover behind a hut and waited to rush them.

Which they then proceeded to do! The Tommy-guns chattered without result, and the first sailors to get out of the boat were overwhelmed.

Then a desperate struggle took place in the boat, as it seemed the natives were unstoppable! Actually, they weren't. The heroic Captain and Leading Man eventually cut them down to size, but it did look like it could go either way for a minute. Two sailors had been killed, though. The rescue party now seemed a little too depleted to complete its task.

Meanwhile, the ritual had finally finished (We had run out of Um Bongo music).

So the drummers began signalling to their god.

And the Bridal Procession/Lunch Queue began to make its way to the appointed place. The Great Gates opened...

Pam was taken to the sacred spot and fastened in place (the gun in her hand was just a movie prop, explaining why she hadn't used it to escape).

Back at the beach, the Film Crew had made landfall and were now wading ashore. Here the Tommy-Gun splattered out leaden death on all sides, and so their landing was much easier than that of the rescuers. The native reception committee here was wiped out in a somewhat one-sided cultural exchange.

The Camera Man was rolling the whole time, and so hopefully had some good footage of the action that they could use later.

Then they started taking potshots at the archers on the wall. Outranged, they descended to ground level to engage their foe. One arrow found its mark, snuggling comfortably into the Assistant Director's squishy insides. As he fell he killed his own slayer with a shot from his trusty revolver.

The Bridesmaids, having discharged their duty, made their way back to the gate. Just in time, as all the warriors had been gunned down by now, though the War Chief, the King and a handful of Archers still remained.

The landing parties from the Denture had lost three men. They were still a long way from rescuing Pam, and the Bridesmaids were returning to further block their path.

Furthermore, judging by the noise coming from the far end of the table, something had responded to the drums. What was it? The Groom? Wedding-Crashers? Would Pam be rescued in time or would she be the on the buffet table at the wedding feast? Would the Evil Island God agree to a pre-nupt? Find out next time...

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