Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Things have taken a decidedly monstrous turn here at Schloss Plynkes lately, folks, with all kinds of scary beasties roaming about the place. The best of them are presented here, ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment :

(Click on the pictures for a larger image)

Before the advent of the Depth Charge, the Convoy System and the Q-Ship, the Kaiser's Ubootwaffe had little to fear. Only that traditional foe of the mariner, the SEA MONSTER gave them any cause to worry. (Do you like my sloppy David Hockney water effects?)

Here those dastardly baby-killing Huns have finally got their come-uppance. I'm not sure exactly what is administering said come-uppance. One half of Silent Movie era comedy double-act Scylla and Charybdis, perhaps? (I can never remember which is which) Or possibly the Kraken?

Oh, I don't bloody know. It's so difficult to tell these days. For my money it was the beginning of the sad decline of Jane's Fighting Ships when they stopped including Sea Monsters in their monthly updates.


Now something I feel I owe our old mate Pete, by way of compensation for a throw-away remark I once made on TMP comparing him to a certain character from that awful sitcom FRIENDS, just because of his consuming passion for dinosaurs and other prehistoric fauna. So here he is, depicted in a more heroic light:

Remember this TV show from the 80s? It was grand, and featured the well known paleontologist and rules-writer in a variety of exciting adventures with unconvincing rubber monsters, or iguanas with bits of plastic taped to their backs.

Remember this episode from Season Three? The one when Mr. T guest-starred? It was one of my favourites, but most aficionados of the series consider it the moment when the show Jumped The Shark. A succession of guest appearances were tried to stop the steady ratings decline. Rock bottom was hit when Mel Tormé and Boy George appeared on the show and sang a duet of "Islands in the Stream" together. It was cancelled soon afterwards.


Don't shoot! They don't mean any harm!

See? He just wants his tummy tickled!


I predict this match will end badly.

Told you!


Do I look bothered?


Now for a Lost Worlds game you've got to have a tramp steamer. So here, in three easy steps, we transform a German lake gunboat into something more worthy of a voyage of discovery.

Take one Prinzessin Charlotte,

Swap out the flag, replace the guns with packing crates, and the crew of sausage-guzzlers for slightly dodgy-looking Merchant Marine Ne'er-do-wells,

Et Voila! The erstwhile Terror of the Tanganyikasee becomes the S.S. Denture. Ready for a voyage to Big Monkey Island to make a major motion picture.

Some Test shots of the star of the picture, Miss Pam Sparrow, on the way to the Island.

"Don't Worry Pam! It's called Big Monkey Island to distinguish it from its smaller neighbour, Little Monkey Island. Would I lie to you?"

Arrival at Big Monkey Island.

The other side of the scary big wall.

Oh look, some kind of quaint local ceremony. Take some footage, boys.

Um, they seem to have got Pam. Shouldn't we be stopping them?

I don't like the look of those scary guys on the wall...

What on earth are they going to do with her?

Tune in next time, for

(Eight-and-a-Halfth Wonder of the World!)

Joe and Pam at their screen-test.
Below: Joe gets acquainted with Al the Allosaurus.
See you next time...

Other Plynkes Lost World fun:
The Land That Time Ignored
Biggles in the Valley of the Terror-Lizards


Poruchik said...

Very cool stuff! I think the U Boat surrounded by tentacles is just awesome!

Guido said...

Thanks Poruchik, old thing. Nice of you to say so.